"The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human… But like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you. One edge is the misuse of the word, which creates a living hell. The other edge is the impeccability of the word, which will only create beauty, love, and heaven on earth." Leslie Karen Lobell, M.A.
Not believing all the gossip we hear is one step. Not spreading the gossip we hear is another. Refraining from gossip can be difficult: gossip seems like such a natural part of human communication. I admit, myself, that while I try very hard to refrain from gossip - or at least attempt to say or repeat only positive things about people, rather than "spread more poison" -- there are times when I catch myself slipping up. Sometimes, we just do it naturally and unwittingly: "Oh, did you hear about so and so…?" Many times, we believe we are simply communicating "a truth," when in fact we are repeating an unsubstantiated rumor. Often, we don't mean to be hurtful, and we may not even realize we are saying something negative. But the poison is spread, the damage is done, and someone can end up feeling hurt.
I offer a few questions for us to keep in the back of our minds as we communicate with others. When you hear something negative about another person who is not present, you may want to ask yourself: Is what I am hearing substantiated and true? Might it be based on false assumptions or a miscommunication? Is the source of my information reliable? Might the person communicating (or THAT person's source) have some negative bias against the person being discussed? Is this MY experience of that person? Shouldn't I investigate this myself, rather than assume it is true?
Before you REPEAT what you have heard, or say anything (especially something negative) about another person, the most important thing to consider is: DOES THIS SERVE? You may want to ask yourself, honestly: Does it serve the person listening to know this information? Am I passing on useful information? Why do I need to repeat this? Am I simply fulfilling my own ego need to be "in the know"? Am I sure that this is true? Whether or not it is true, might I be hurting someone by spreading this information?
We must not forget the power of the word. We can misuse the word, or we can choose to use the word impeccably. My hope is that we, the human race, could learn to stop hurting one another and start creating more beauty and love with the word.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Wave to your neighbors with your whole hand
I have turned into a waver ever since I started driving at age 10 on a large farm in CA and decided that waving would be part of my value culture.
I wave at people I know, and people I don’t.
I wave at people the moment I sense I may catch their eye; I no longer look down or away.
I wave to trigger some magic connection to my face so I will smile within the same fraction of that moment I wave.
I wave to feel open, connected to hope, and expectant of our humanity.
I wave to feel safe. When I take my exercise runs and arrive at intersections, I don’t take another step forward unless I have waved to an approaching or stopped driver and am sure they have seen me. (They wave back, or at the very least will nod—good thing to teach your kids.)
All I can tell you for sure today, is that learning that humble wave changed my own life, because a habit was created in me that I chose not to break. I owe a lot to my Dad for making me a better person during those early years I worked with him on our farm in CA. My Dad was so true to his values, and he made them so compelling and desirable, that those values became part of mine. If I already had those values in any measure whatsoever, they grew and were strengthened and fortified.
Today, and I am quite sure forever to come, I rather wave to people instead of looking down or turning away. I prefer to be open to the possibility that waving can trigger. I love the thought that waving, and then allowing your hand to train your face so your smile will surely and naturally follow, is a way to tell someone you are humble enough to know this:
No matter how good I may feel about my own life at this very moment,
no matter how complete, whole and healthy I may feel,
I grant my trust that there is an equally good reason you live on this earth with me.
I am open and welcoming you can be to by a simply smile and wave thats all it takes!.
It needn’t be a major production, or even a conversation;
you can just smile and wave back.
Easy, quick, and smile-triggering natural.
Then, we both belong, as we share this moment, and enjoy peace.
I wave at people I know, and people I don’t.
I wave at people the moment I sense I may catch their eye; I no longer look down or away.
I wave to trigger some magic connection to my face so I will smile within the same fraction of that moment I wave.
I wave to feel open, connected to hope, and expectant of our humanity.
I wave to feel safe. When I take my exercise runs and arrive at intersections, I don’t take another step forward unless I have waved to an approaching or stopped driver and am sure they have seen me. (They wave back, or at the very least will nod—good thing to teach your kids.)
All I can tell you for sure today, is that learning that humble wave changed my own life, because a habit was created in me that I chose not to break. I owe a lot to my Dad for making me a better person during those early years I worked with him on our farm in CA. My Dad was so true to his values, and he made them so compelling and desirable, that those values became part of mine. If I already had those values in any measure whatsoever, they grew and were strengthened and fortified.
Today, and I am quite sure forever to come, I rather wave to people instead of looking down or turning away. I prefer to be open to the possibility that waving can trigger. I love the thought that waving, and then allowing your hand to train your face so your smile will surely and naturally follow, is a way to tell someone you are humble enough to know this:
No matter how good I may feel about my own life at this very moment,
no matter how complete, whole and healthy I may feel,
I grant my trust that there is an equally good reason you live on this earth with me.
I am open and welcoming you can be to by a simply smile and wave thats all it takes!.
It needn’t be a major production, or even a conversation;
you can just smile and wave back.
Easy, quick, and smile-triggering natural.
Then, we both belong, as we share this moment, and enjoy peace.
Introduce Yourself to New Neighbors
What if We Have Nothing in Common?
No problem. There's absolutely nothing wrong with just walking up to the front door, and introducing yourself. Let them know that you just moved in and where you moved from. If that still feels uncomfortable, then ask about garbage pick up or recycling centers in the neighborhood. Remember, while you think you might not have anything in common, you do: you live on the same street, in the same neighborhood. That's enough to start any conversation. The key to being a good neighbor is making sure that you do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
No problem. There's absolutely nothing wrong with just walking up to the front door, and introducing yourself. Let them know that you just moved in and where you moved from. If that still feels uncomfortable, then ask about garbage pick up or recycling centers in the neighborhood. Remember, while you think you might not have anything in common, you do: you live on the same street, in the same neighborhood. That's enough to start any conversation. The key to being a good neighbor is making sure that you do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Anxiously Engaged in a Good Cause
How is it that you have become an Awesome Neighbor? We would also like to hear about what you like most about your neighbors. You can post awesome remarks (not disparaging) to AwesomeNeighbor.com
The opposite of an awesome neighbor is one participates in defamation of character.
Slander is defamatory spoken words that harm another person’s reputation. Slander is spoken aloud, as opposed to libel, which is defamation that is included in published words or pictures. Slander is clearly not an acceptable form of communication. In Junior High School some may have resorted to this kind of gossip and behavior. Now that we are adults capable of buying a home in Utah we are also capable and responsible for our communication. When we communicate lies, gossip or cause defamation of character to occur we have decided to get our excitement from attempting to defame others. From my experience people that participate in this kind of behavior have very, very low self esteem and spend much of their day engaged in unproductive activity.
We should be anxiously engaged in a good cause.
Respectfully,
Robert Bolar
The opposite of an awesome neighbor is one participates in defamation of character.
Slander is defamatory spoken words that harm another person’s reputation. Slander is spoken aloud, as opposed to libel, which is defamation that is included in published words or pictures. Slander is clearly not an acceptable form of communication. In Junior High School some may have resorted to this kind of gossip and behavior. Now that we are adults capable of buying a home in Utah we are also capable and responsible for our communication. When we communicate lies, gossip or cause defamation of character to occur we have decided to get our excitement from attempting to defame others. From my experience people that participate in this kind of behavior have very, very low self esteem and spend much of their day engaged in unproductive activity.
We should be anxiously engaged in a good cause.
Respectfully,
Robert Bolar
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Avoid Gossip, Backbiting and Spreading Unfounded Rumors
President Tanner outlines key actions that will help us receive the companionship of the Holy Ghost and the power to resist worldly ideas and temptations.
Do we live peaceably with our neighbors and avoid gossip and backbiting and spreading unfounded rumors? Do we truly love our neighbors as ourselves?
“If we can answer yes to these questions, then we will have on the whole armor of God, which will protect us from harm and preserve us from our enemies. … (in Conference Report, Apr. 1979, p. 65; or Ensign, May 1979, p. 46).
Do we live peaceably with our neighbors and avoid gossip and backbiting and spreading unfounded rumors? Do we truly love our neighbors as ourselves?
“If we can answer yes to these questions, then we will have on the whole armor of God, which will protect us from harm and preserve us from our enemies. … (in Conference Report, Apr. 1979, p. 65; or Ensign, May 1979, p. 46).
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Honesty
In giving the Ten Commandments, the Lord declared: "Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not bear false witness." The Church's thirteenth article of faith states, "We believe in being honest." To be honest means to be sincere, truthful, and without deceit at all times.
When we are honest in every way, we are able to enjoy peace of mind and maintain self-respect. We build strength of character, which allows us to be of service to God and others. We are trustworthy in the eyes of God and those around us.
On the other hand, if we are dishonest in our words or actions, we hurt ourselves and often hurt others as well. If we lie, steal, cheat, or neglect to give the full amount of work for our pay, we lose our self-respect. We lose the guidance of the Holy Ghost. We may find that we have damaged relationships with family members and friends and that people no longer trust us.
Being honest often requires courage and sacrifice, especially when others try to persuade us to justify dishonest behavior. If we find ourselves in such a situation, we can remember that the lasting peace that comes from being honest is more valuable than the momentary relief of following the crowd.
True to the Faith (2004), 84
When we are honest in every way, we are able to enjoy peace of mind and maintain self-respect. We build strength of character, which allows us to be of service to God and others. We are trustworthy in the eyes of God and those around us.
On the other hand, if we are dishonest in our words or actions, we hurt ourselves and often hurt others as well. If we lie, steal, cheat, or neglect to give the full amount of work for our pay, we lose our self-respect. We lose the guidance of the Holy Ghost. We may find that we have damaged relationships with family members and friends and that people no longer trust us.
Being honest often requires courage and sacrifice, especially when others try to persuade us to justify dishonest behavior. If we find ourselves in such a situation, we can remember that the lasting peace that comes from being honest is more valuable than the momentary relief of following the crowd.
True to the Faith (2004), 84
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
“Master, which is the great commandment of the law?”
The Lord’s answer was: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
“This is the first and great commandment.
“And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
“On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets” (Matt. 22:36–40).
Thus our obedience to the commandment not to bear false witness should be rooted in both our love of God and our love of our fellowmen. But the violation of the ninth commandment is among the most common of sins. Elder Adam S. Bennion of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles wrote:
“Murder, adultery, and stealing, dealing respectively with life, virtue, and property, are generally considered more serious offenses before the law than the bearing of false witness. And yet, what the latter may lack in severity, it more than makes up for in prevalence” (“The Ninth Commandment,” in The Ten Commandments Today, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1955, p. 134).
Whereas murder involves the taking of human life, bearing false witness involves the destruction of character and reputation. To do so maliciously is the sin of calumny, or character assassination, described in Shakespeare’s Othello:
Who steals my purse steals trash; ’tis something, nothing;
’Twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to thousands;
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed.
(Act 3, sc. 3, lines 157–61)
“This is the first and great commandment.
“And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
“On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets” (Matt. 22:36–40).
Thus our obedience to the commandment not to bear false witness should be rooted in both our love of God and our love of our fellowmen. But the violation of the ninth commandment is among the most common of sins. Elder Adam S. Bennion of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles wrote:
“Murder, adultery, and stealing, dealing respectively with life, virtue, and property, are generally considered more serious offenses before the law than the bearing of false witness. And yet, what the latter may lack in severity, it more than makes up for in prevalence” (“The Ninth Commandment,” in The Ten Commandments Today, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1955, p. 134).
Whereas murder involves the taking of human life, bearing false witness involves the destruction of character and reputation. To do so maliciously is the sin of calumny, or character assassination, described in Shakespeare’s Othello:
Who steals my purse steals trash; ’tis something, nothing;
’Twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to thousands;
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed.
(Act 3, sc. 3, lines 157–61)
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Robert Bolar as seen by my daughters eyes:
Robert J. Matthews, in the Oct 1994 Ensign spoke in an awesome way about "Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness" so when my daughter wrote this it made me carefully ponder the example I was setting for her.
“Thou shalt not bear false witness” plainly is more than a prohibition against inventing falsehoods. The language of the commandment requires that an honest and straightforward answer be given whenever we are asked to share our knowledge of the truth, as in a court of law when being questioned under oath. Lying under oath is called perjury. The ninth commandment’s broad injunction forbids this and all other forms of giving false evidence or manipulating information. Our words are to agree with the facts.
Thus, the ninth commandment is a strong declaration against covenant breaking, oath breaking, and all forms of untruth, including exaggeration, gross understatement, fabrication, or the willful giving of any explanation not supported by the facts. Even sharing the truth can have the effect of lying when we tell only half-truths that do not give a full picture. We can also be guilty of bearing false witness and lying if we say nothing, particularly if we allow another to reach a wrong conclusion while we hold back information that would have led to a more accurate perception.
“Thou shalt not bear false witness” plainly is more than a prohibition against inventing falsehoods. The language of the commandment requires that an honest and straightforward answer be given whenever we are asked to share our knowledge of the truth, as in a court of law when being questioned under oath. Lying under oath is called perjury. The ninth commandment’s broad injunction forbids this and all other forms of giving false evidence or manipulating information. Our words are to agree with the facts.
Thus, the ninth commandment is a strong declaration against covenant breaking, oath breaking, and all forms of untruth, including exaggeration, gross understatement, fabrication, or the willful giving of any explanation not supported by the facts. Even sharing the truth can have the effect of lying when we tell only half-truths that do not give a full picture. We can also be guilty of bearing false witness and lying if we say nothing, particularly if we allow another to reach a wrong conclusion while we hold back information that would have led to a more accurate perception.
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